Friday, May 28, 2004

The Anti Swan 

I was thinking of a new reality show that they could have on Fox. The Anti-Swan. Instead of taking average people and giving them plastic surgery to make them beautiful, reverse it. Take ten beautiful people, five guys and five woman, give them plastic surgery to alter their appearance. Make them ugly. Big noses, overbites, whatever. Make them eat junk food all the time, nothing but Doritos, ring dings and Mountan Dew for months on end. No regular exercise or physical exertion. Just sit on their asses and watch TV.

They can all live in a house together and they get to vote each other off like on Survivor or Big Brother. Maybe even like American Idol, the fans can vote. Just dial 1-888-YOU-UGLY to cast your vote. Those that get voted out are sent back to their own lives forever stuck with their new ugly look.

The last person gets a choice. They can have all the surgery undone, get them back to the way they were. Or they can pick 1 million dollars. But there is a catch if they take the money they can never use it or any other money they have or will ever have in the past present or future for plastic surgery. They must remain ugly forever. If they break the rule they are hunted down and killed. People will be watching to make sure. People will be watching them....forever.

Peace out.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Mr Tow, Drive through Boozing, Pimp trolley, Special Brownies, Magic Bathrooms and Cotton Mouth Jim 

Ok here is what I did with my Friday night. I went out after work with some colleges. I ran into them in the lobby. They were going to a bar called The Landing which is directly behind our building right next to where the boats load up and drop off. It is an outside bar. We sat there and had ours beers. I saw a few interesting things sitting where we were. We were right next to the road, it is more of an access road for deliveries to the Marriott Hotel which is next door and to some of other businesses further down the pier.

1) We saw a tow truck just prowling the pier looking for someone who put there car there and walked away. He found one car with someone in it. They moved quickly when Mr Tow pulled up. Then there was the towncar left unattended. It was obviously a chauffeur waiting around for whoever he was picking up. (probably some business type going to the airport) Mr. Tow got the car up and the driver came out had a discussion with Mr. Tow money was exchanged and the towncar was dropped back down. Mr Tow went back to prowling.

2) At one point a convertible pulled up with a middle aged woman and a young man. She gets out walks up to the bar and gets a drink. She then walks back to her car and offers the young man some of her drink. Let's just say it didn't look like mother and son, wink wink nudge nudge. They sit there and chat for a few minutes and then she drives away. Drive through boozing gotta love that.

3) Then we saw the Pimp trolley. It was one of those tourist trolley things. Except this one had disco music blaring from it. It had lights flashing inside and it had a disco ball to go along with the disco music. I half expected the damn thing to have hydraulics and start hopping up and down. We were all jealous. We all wanted to be on the Pimp trolley.

After we finished up at the landing some people were going to a party at this other guys apartment. I was going to go home but hey were all like "oh come on". So I went along with minimal arm twisting. We got to the apartment which is over by the Fleet Center. I guess it is still part of the North End. We had stopped for pizza and beer on the way over. (Damn that pizza was good)

We got to the apartment which was really really nice. It was a single and a little small but it had a huge cement deck over looking the city. Very very cool. Grabbed a beer from our stash and looked over on the stove. Brownie pan full of brownies.....special brownies. It should be noted that I have never had special brownies before. I figured what the hell, why not right? I grabbed a brownie and ate that som bitch up. During my eating of the brownie two people came up to me and said "You know those are special brownies right?" I assured them, yes I know they are special thank you.

Fast forward say a half an hour. I am feeling good. I mean really really good. I was fucking toast people. Toast I say. I just sat there and watched the ball game. I was just going to hang out and watch the game. When I tried to walk it felt like the floor was swaying(it was probably me) It felt like I was on a boat. That seems to be a recurring theme with me and chemicals. I always feel like I am on a boat.

Later on some other people from work started showing up. There was three very good looking girls from our marketing support group that showed up. At one point as I was sitting watching the game they all went to the bathroom together. This is normal at a club, A little weird at an apartment. Any ways when they all came out together everyone kind of looked over. I mean three (beautiful) woman all come out at the same time people will notice. I turn to the people on my right and said. That bathroom is magic! Magic Bathroom! That got a pretty good chuckle from the group.

I know I talked to these girls later but I was lucky I remembered my own name so I wasn't saying much. For most of the night I just sat on the couch pretty much comatose. People started to leave and the people I am more friendly with at work had left. I was getting ready to go myself. I just needed to you know get up. Not so easy. I finally made it up grabbed my bag and walked from there to South Station. I never in my life wanted a bottle of water more than that walk. My my was dry. Sahara desert dry. Mouth full of sand and cotton dry. I was Cotton Mouth Jim. I finally got to a 7-11 about half way to South Station and got my water. It was the best most delicious water I have ever had in my life. It was fucking awesome! I finished my trek to the T and made it home safe and sound. That was Friday night.

Peace out and pass the brownies (and a bottle of water)

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Star Wars 

Alright I have a problem. I know that when the Star Wars DVD boxed set comes out on Sept 21. I am going to break down and buy it. I know I have said that I wasn't going to. I know I hate all (or most) of the tinkering Lucas has done. I know he should have left well enough alone. I also know that I will buy the damn thing. Maybe not right away but he will get my money. Probably on the 22nd.

Fucking Lucas, that bearded bastard.

I also know that I will go see the new movie. I won't be able to help myself with that either.

Fucking Lucas, that gray bearded son of a bitchin bastard.

Peace out

Monday, May 17, 2004

The Dirty Dozen 

I think that AC/DC is probably my favorite band of all time. It is definitely my favorite rock band. For me it doesn't get any better than when I am driving along and any AC/DC song comes on the radio, I fucking love that! It makes me roll down the window and pump my fist.

You know it as soon as you here the first notes. AC/DC! A lot of their stuff sounds a like but who cares, it's fucking good! Now Back in Black I think is the best rock album ever. That is why I guess I am more of a Brian Johnson guy than a Bon Scott gut. I like them both but fucking Brian Johnson on Back in Black just kicks fucking ass! Rock Rock Rock!!!

This brings me to the Dirty Bakers Dozen my top 13 fav AC/DC songs.

13: Jailbreak

12: Flick of the Switch

11: Sink the Pink

10: Highway to Hell- I want this to be played at my funeral. Why? Because it would be funny.

9: Dirty Deeds

8: You Shook Me All Night Long

7: TNT- OY! OY! OY!

6: It's A Long Way To The Top If You Want To Rock & Roll-This song has bag pipes and it still kicks ass. Any song with bag pipes that still rocks has got to be good.

5: For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)-awesome awesome awesome live. I mean come on, Cannons? Fucking cannons!

4: Hells Bells

3: Back in Black- What can I say it's Back in Black?

2: Thunderstruck- one of the best opening riffs ever.

1: Shoot To Thrill-I love this song. It would have been too easy to pick Back in Black or You Shook Me all Night Long

Peace out and Rock on!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

I was in 7-11 the other day waiting in line, getting a soda and a snack for the commute home. It was probably Pepsi or mountain Dew and some form of candy. Yeah I like the junk food. So what? There was a gentleman in front of me waiting his turn. When he got to the head of the line he put his items on the counter. He also asked for a scratch ticket. He wanted a number six which was a $2 ticket. The guy behind the counter went over to the dispensers and pulled a scratch ticket off of number 5. I noticed this and was wondering if the guy buying the ticket saw what happened. Turns out he did and mentioned it to the cashier. So the cashier went back tucked the number five ticket up in the dispenser and got his number six ticket.
If that had been me asking in the first place and the guy gave me the wrong ticket I would have bought that one. I might still have asked for the one I originally wanted but I would have def kept the one given to me by mistake. It would have been to hard to give up. I mean I would always wonder, "What if that was a winner? Not just a winner but a BIG WINNER?"
Now at this point I am thinking I want that ticket. As soon as it went back I knew I was going to buy it. I couldn't pass up the chance. I was next in line so there was no problem there. I said to the cashier "I'll take a number five. I want the one that was just put back." I paid for my stuff and headed home. I stuck the ticket in my bag and went on my way to the redline. I got home had dinner and was relaxing on the couch when I remembered the scratch ticket. I retrieved it from my bag along with a penny that I got back as change from 7-11. I always do that. Whenever I buy I scratch ticket I scratch it with a coin I get back with my change. It is a little superstitious thing I have. I don't buy tickets all that often just once in a blue moon. I pull out my "lucky penny" and scratch away...........

Nada, nothing, zilch, bupkiss, zero, goose egg.
Damn! I guess I'll keep my job.

Peace out.

Friday, May 07, 2004

Thank you Officer Friendly 

It is the start of the Corporate Softball Season. I don't play mind you, no real reason I just don't play. Everyone who plays or goes to the games chips in $5. This pays for the beer they have at the field and the pizza we get after the game as we hang out and drink more beer at The Black Thorn in good old Southie. It is a fun time just going and hanging out drinking and what not.

Wednesday was the first game and after I got home from work at 4 o'clock (that was the day I went to work at 5AM) I relaxed a bit and was going to head to the field around 5 or so. I hope in my car and head I am driving along Morrissey Blvd. I come to one of the many Red Lights (the one right before the little bridge) and when the light turned green again, the car stalls. "What the hell?" I said to myself. I tried to start it again and it will not start. It sounds like it wants to turn over but it won't. As luck would have it I was in the far right lane. My car was going nowhere fast.

First I called the house to let them no what was going on, next AAA. I told the woman where I was on Morrissey Blvd and what my problem was. She told me someone should be there in about an hour. I said thank you and hung up. I put my hazard lights on right away. I was watching all the people pull up behind me get the confused look on their face which changes to the frustrated annoyance look. How dare I breakdown? Especially while they are driving along yapping on their cel phones and not paying attention. How rude and inconsiderate of me.

About 20 minutes into my wait on of the boys in blue pulls in behind me. State trooper gets out and comes up to my window,
"Tell me you didn't run out of gas!"
"No, I have three quarters of a tank". I told him what happened and then he asks me again
"are you sure you have gas?"
I said "yes, I filled it the other day, still have three quarters of a tank."
"Well, you can't stay here.
"I already called AAA and they should be here soon"
How long have you been sitting here?"
"20 minutes"
"20 minutes? Well, you can't sit here"
"AAA said an hour"
"Oh, they won't be here for like three hours I know 20 years on the job, three hours"
"Put it in neutral I am going to push your car"
"How far? To where?"
"Just up the road there is a little access road we can put you there"

I put the car in neutral and away we go. He starts pushing me up the road and over the bridge. He starts pushing me fast. He had me going close to 50 miles per hour. It was somewhere between 45-50. (It should be noted that the speed limit is around 35 for the bridge). I have less steering capabilities because the car is not on and running. Ditto for the brake situation. We are going over the bridge and we hit the metal grid that make up the bridge and my car is starting to shimmy and shake. I am just going along for the ride. I seriously thought I was going to lose control of the car. I had traffic on my left and an SUV entering from the highway on my right. I was like what the fuck? This guy is going to kill us both. I didn't have my seatbelt on either. I figured we would only be going about 20 MPH. I tried to put the belt on but the car swerved a little when I took my hand off the wheel. Nope not going to happen. So I hung on waited for the ride to be over.

eventually BC High came up on the right which is where he wanted me to pull in. I hit the brakes which I need to mash down on to get to work at all and pull into the school. We get out and he tells me I should be safe here and off he goes. AAA showed up about 40 minutes later (15 minutes longer than the quoted hour) no where near the three hours officer friendly said it was going to be. I had my car towed and brought to the shop. $510.35 later the car is up and running. Turns out is was the distributor, not just the cap but the whole thing. Did I get hosed? Who knows. They could have told my the flux capacitor was gone and needed replacing. OK order me a knew one. Thanks.

Oh well I did make it to the bar for pizza and beer. Just borrowed the car from the rents. I needed a beer by then. I deserved it.

Peace out.

Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now! 

This made me laugh.Boston.com

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

As I type this into the computer I am at work. It is 5AM and I am at work. Am I crazy? Ah well it comes with the territory. I knew when I signed on there would be days like this. I am here to receive a shipment of desks and credenzas. Something like 10 set ups of a desk and credenza and then 9 more of the credenza. Oh yeah and one return. In case you were wondering I don't mean I am returning something. The return is part of an L shaped desk. You have the front part of the desk then the part that goes along the side,the return. You can have a left return or a right return. I am sure you find this fascinating.

So that is what is going on right now, I am at work....at 5AM.

I know Jeff your up this early all the time running a marathon or swimming across Boston Harbor before work so I'll shut up now.

Peace out.

Monday, May 03, 2004

Jimmy's Bad Day 

Diana was saying in her blog about how she did not want to bore us all with all of her riding lesson stuff. I responded with something about it not being boring at all. Hey that is what this is all about right? Post the things that are going on in our lives, stuff we like, stuff we hate or stuff we love to hate. Not boring. I digress.

I mentioned my own one experience with riding a horse. An experience that I will never forget. I believe we were on vacation with my dad's sister. We might have been in Maine or maybe New Hampshire. Regardless, we went to go horseback riding. I had never been on a horse before, I had been around them. My cousin Kelly worked at a stable and I had been there a couple of times with her. It would always bother my allergies but even still I wanted to try riding a horse.

There was at least 6 or 7 of us going. It was my three cousins my mother and father and my cousin's parents. I don't think we all rode but we all went to the stables. They brought out all the horses and gave us the horse that best fit our sizes and ages. I remember my horse being damn big but that may be because I was just little. I know they told us the proper way to get on the horse but that is all the instruction I remember. I also remember one of the horses we were given had a tendency to turn around and bite the horse behind him in the line. This was not my horse. I do remember that horse was last in the line.

We had one of the people that worked at the stable lead us through the trails in the woods. I started off fine the horse was just walking along. We were going through the woods, it was a beautiful day the sun was out the birds were singing yadda yadda yadda. Then the leader of the pack decided to pick up the pace. I don't know how fast we were going I don't have the right horse terminology. We were going at a good clip and it was bouncy, I know that much. Bouncy enough that I got bounced right out of the saddle, thrown threw the air. I was in the air sideways like I was laying down on my right side. Crunch! Right into a flippin tree. I screeched and howled in pain and started crying. My mother who was several horses ahead of me flew off her horse and rushed to my side. I was blubbering at this point. I was scared and in pain. Getting tossed into a tree will do that.

After I calmed down, a little bit any way, I was made to get back on the horse. I know this was for a good reason. I had to get back on so I wouldn't be afraid of horses the rest of my life. I was scared to get back on but I did it. I think they put me on a different horse this time (a bigger one) the first horse in the line. The trainer woman leading the horse. We made it back to the coral without further incident. By the way my allergies were kicking in big time by this point. My eyes were watering and not just from crying. My nose was running. When my allergies are bad bright light just aggravates them. Since it was daylight at the time I was in rough shape. To top it all of I also broke out in hives. I was covered in red blotches all over. I felt like hell and looked even worse.

I ended up with bruised ribs. I guess I got off lucky it could have been worse. I might have broken them. So with the bruised ribs the hives the watery eyes I could barley open and the runny nose. I looked and felt like I went a few rounds with Mike Tyson. The good news is I am not afraid of horses it wasn't a traumatic life altering experience. I have never been on a horse since but that is mostly due to the allergy thing. I can't even go to the circus. Sometimes pets bother me. My own dog bothered me at first but I got used to that. Oh well that is my horse riding story.

Peace out.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

Things I've learned from Zen 

First off I really like my new toy. Thank you Diana and Becky for the recommendation. I currently have a track count of 746. Which is made up of 63 albums. Some of them are not full albums just a song or two from and album. Any way it looks like I haven't made a dent in the actual amount of stuff I can load up on to this bad larry. Jimmy likes!

You can search for what you want through various methods. Look by album, artist or genre. I decided to look through the different genres to see what is considered what.

AC/DC is hard rock, OK that make sense.
Both the The Corrs and The Cardigans are considered European Pop.
Social Distortion, DropKick Murphys and Bad Religion are General Punk
Slayer comes under two genres Hardcore Metal and Thrash/Speed Metal. I guess their version of In-a-gadda-da-vidda is considered Hardcore while everything else is Thrash.
Sigur-ros is Ambient/Dream Pop. These guys are very cool and they are from Iceland which is someplace I will go. Someday
Now The Cult Electric album is considered Goth Rock and Sonic Temple is Hard Rock. Why is that?
The Donnas are under Riot Grrrl/Queercore. Riot grrrl I get but what the fuck is queercore?
The StrokesandThe Hivesare lo fi/garage rock while B.R.M.C is progressive rock.
there is East coast rap, west cost rap and even general rap? Does that mean they are neutral like Sweeden?
Pop punk, post punk and old school punk.
We have new wave, pop/hair metal christian rock which is something off of The Crow soundtrack.
Also General pop, general alternative and general industrial.

There is sooo many genres now I have names and bands to put them to. Some I new others I had heard off and there was brand new ones.

These are some of the things I have learned from Zen

Peace out.

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